When I was in Jr. High I was thrilled to have employment as a babysitter. The income was nice and my little girl dreams were given life when I got to hold babies and take care of them.
When I was in High School a spent a couple summers volunteering at Yale NH Hospital in CT holding sick babies and those that were tragically born with an addiction to drugs. All I had to do was hold them yet it was so fulfilling knowing the nurses did not have time for rocking and I may be the only arms they lingered in that day.
When I was in college I had a summer job at a day camp for elementary age kids and spent long days playing with and supervising children of dual-income or single parent families. I also spent 4 years of Friday nights in the "projects" of Manhattan sharing Jesus with and loving on kids who didn't have a lot of love around them.
I went to college pursuing an undergrad background that would help me in my plans to later receive a Masters in Social Work. I had urban kids on my heart at the time and so I thought for sure this is where God would call me to serve Him.
Insert one Shane Stacey into the picture and my future began to take on a whole different outlook, fuzzy at first with an uncertainty of how all my plans would take shape. "You believe God has called you to WHO Shane??? Teenagers?? Really?? I mean they are SCARY and I didn't altogether love that ultra-dramatic season of my own life. I'm not so sure our 2 passions are going to jive, in fact I'm pretty sure they won't."
Here's a bit of honesty for you...my first few experiences as a volunteer youth leader made me really doubt what God was up to with me and Shane and I felt EXTREMELY out of place those first months I tagged along with him to an EFCA church in Montvale, NJ where he was teaching Sunday School. My dilemma was that I really liked the tall handsome guy...A LOT, like the marrying kind of A LOT,...so I strapped on my seat belt and decided the ride would be worth my uncertain destination.
Ride, interesting choice of words. Journey, surprising, roller coaster...those are a few others.
Fast forward 14 years. 14 years of faces and stories, retreats and small groups, laughter and tears, and 3 very different communities. They flash in my mind: beautiful girls who have become young women, college students, wives and, even a few moms. God has used each of them to challenge me and move me to places I never imagined myself to be...a person I never knew I could become. What at first glance was frightening and daunting has become one of the greatest joys of my life journey. Even saying it now I shake my head in wonder at God's handiwork.
In the past many weeks I have been asking God some questions, seeking a clearer understanding of the mission He has for me. I know, in large measure, that is simply defined with the mention of 4 names. That part is clear. It's the rest of me, however small that remains, which I have been unsure of. I've come to a firmer conviction that my life is short and my person is unique and the Creator has a purpose for everything and everyone. So I've been asking, seeking, praying.
I feel like this week God has made a very obvious point. Where I once thought my passion and gifting involved small children or even medium sized children, a shift has taken place. How? When? Why? Don't know.
This I DO know: I LOVE my 3 children with all the mother's love God has given me. Yet kids in general...they tire me. When did I become the person that becomes exhausted after only a few mornings of volunteering at VBC to shepherd six K-1st graders, one of them being my own daughter??? This is easy stuff right? Amateurs could handle this. I'm a mom of 3 for crying out loud...what is wrong with me??? Apparently I am more fond of teenagers than I realized because I feel more depleted this week than I do after a weekend long youth retreat which involves very little to no sleep. And God is reinforcing what He's already told me before, this time with a bit of Bold and ________.
My past personal experiences are colliding with my present passions and He is blending them, moving me from empathy to God-shaped compassion for a generation of young women that I am not much farther along then. It's the environment He called me to, with a real sneaky maneuver, beginning with a handful of suburban "Jur-zee" Jr. High students that wound their way into my heart. How could I resist those precious souls trying to stay afloat in the quirkiest stage of development known to mankind anyway??
Creative God, I am still in awe of Your gracious pursuit to dwell within this very weak vessel in any measure. That You have purposes uniquely for me is the greatest privilege.
Thank you for my ultimate rescue, for Your guiding hand and for the ride.
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