Remembering

This sweet, lovely lady is my hero. Her quiet and resilient faith has inspired me as long as I can remember. On Wednesday, July 14, at the age of 91, she stepped across the threshold into her eternal home with Jesus. She left behind visible footprints on a path that steadily followed her Savior. She passed on a legacy of peace and contentment that I long to emulate and continue on her behalf. Her name was Helen DePino. I call her Gram.

Some 28 years ago, I received a great gift when my family made the decision to add on to our home in the suburbs of Connecticut so my mom's parents could move from the city and be close by. So close that I found myself knocking daily on their apartment door that connected to our house via the basement. It didn't matter the time of day or night, I was always welcomed with a smile and a hug. Being in elementary school at the time I had no life of my own yet, and so I benefited greatly from the easy access I had to my grandparents. I enjoyed them both very much but learned as I grew older that it was my Gram who possessed something that always drew me back. Sure I loved that she played card games, gave me treats, cooked up an amazing marinara and meatballs, laughed with me, listened to me and gave the best head massage. Yet subconsciously then, and clearly now, I know my frequent visits were motivated by a desire to be in her presence. She quite simply radiated peace.

I am pretty certain that being married to a hot-tempered Italian man (who I fondly remember as a loving grandpa) was most definitely NOT the cause for her calm. Yet, in a beautiful display of God's grace, it was the very turbulence within her marriage that brought her to a place of complete surrender. She often recounted a significant day, about 30 years ago, when she came to the end of herself and called on the name of Jesus repeatedly and in turn He filled her with a tangible warmth that was His Presence. From that day she never doubted His promise of peace and she banked on it until her very last breath. I remember well the day she first shared that story with me as a college student, but I had long been experiencing it's reality as a little girl who kept seeking out a Gram I just wanted to be near. How beautiful that all along it was because of the One who has from my very beginnings been calling me to Himself.

As God's mercies are new each morning, so His power displayed itself in yet another season of Gram's life. About 6 years ago, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, such a terribly sad disease. Thanks to her characteristic routine and discipline she maintained a measure of independence for quite a while, yet with the geographical distance between us I knew the precious relationship we shared would change. I have held close the memory of the last time she proudly introduced me as her granddaughter, which was almost 4 years ago. Yet her influence has remained as I've listened to the testimony of my mom who lovingly cared for her. Memories faded and then were gone, Helen became a little girl longing to go home to her mother and father, and still she carried a sweet spirit and a smile that spoke of a soul at rest. Her last words, spoken to a caregiver seeking to make her comfortable in her physical pain, were "Thank you". Many who visited in her last days spoke of a peaceful presence they could not fully comprehend. Though all else had failed her, Jesus remained.

On July 20, my family took time to remember our beloved matriarch and I was blessed to travel from Minneapolis to CT to be with them and help prepare for that day. It was a day my Gram would have loved very much. All of her living family gathered, we hugged and cried (she wouldn't like that part so much) and laughed (this she would have approved of), we worshipped God in the church she had faithfully attended, we shared memories, we said goodbye to her earthly shell, and finally we ate good Italian food. Though the earthly farewell was hard and made me wish to go back in time, I also felt her closer than ever as I pictured her free and whole in the presence of Jesus and hopefully getting a front row seat to look in on us. I feel like I can once again call her Gram and see her smile as she's done so many times because she knows who I am and sees me and loves me. There she is, showing me Jesus again.

These past few weeks have brought back memories that laid dormant for a while, just as Alzheimer's stripped them from Gram's mind. I've wrestled with grieving the loss of time with her over the past 10 years of living halfway across the country. I've felt keenly the distance that kept me from seeing her in her last days. I've also cherished the honor of countless letters exchanged over those same years and the written proof I can hold onto of her beautiful character. The theme of her letters to me were always the same: "God is good. He has given me many, many blessings to count. I'm proud of you, I miss you, I love you and I pray for you every day". Whatever else she wrote about, I could always count on hearing that message. Once again I would be enveloped in a sense of contentment uninhibited by time or miles. I never worried about Gram for I knew she was safe and secure in the Father's care. What a comforting gift that was for me then and today it is all the more.

In remembering, I have a deep longing to commemorate her life as I continue to live the one given to me. This is the thought I am unable to shake. The Presence of Jesus Christ brought sufficient grace to a woman who came seeking because she knew she was in need. Gram's life reflected her Savior's touch in the joy-filled love she had for family, the grace she possessed amidst turmoil and the unwavering trust she placed in God's goodness. I miss being able to spend time with my Gram and as is often the case with heroes, I recall her simple, uncomplicated faith and desire it for myself that I might grab hold of what she had. The Truth beyond my feelings is that Helen DePino's Jesus is my Jesus and so I do not have to look far for the "peace that surpasses all understanding", for He lives in me. Together, we share the ultimate Hero and her faith has given her crystal clear sight of Him at last. I'm beyond happy for her.

The vision on this side of heaven is dim in comparison, thus faith is all the more necessary. Makes me ever thankful for this beautiful picture of my Gram that speaks volumes to me in just a glance. A reflection to cherish and keep me pressing on, for if the eyes are the windows to the soul than it is no wonder that it is Jesus I see.