38

To be honest, I cannot fathom that I have actually lived for 38 years on this earth. How did that happen??? A marriage of almost 15 years and 3 children, one of whom has lived for a decade. I am not mature enough for these numbers! Seriously, there is a part of me that feels like I went from playing house with my baby dolls to owning a home with a husband and real, living, breathing children. The imaginative world is definitely easier to navigate but the real one, OH MY, it is so much more rewarding!!

But still...38??

It's funny, you would think I would be cringing inwardly at how closely I am creeping towards the big 4.0. Isn't growing older supposed to hurt a bit? At least the cultural message around me seems to say that with every new anti-aging product that is made. I'm supposed to want to stay young right? Granted, I do know that I look younger than 38 and that is FINALLY paying off but today, and in the days leading up to my birthday, I have had an entirely different strain of thought that has been pressing on my mind and heart.

A quick background: I had a dear friend in high school named Joe who saved me from utter loneliness as a freshman and sophomore. We forged a friendship in the midst of those awkward and insecure adolescent years and God used him to restore hope in my abilities to be a true friend who was acceptable just being myself. Our senior year he chose to go to a public school to graduate and then on to the military after that. Our contact was minimal post high school but I keep closely still the knowledge that God had great purpose for this friendship at such a needy point in my life, and beyond for who I would become.

On the 15th of this month, 9 years ago, Joe passed away from lung cancer. He never lived to see his 30th birthday, which would have been 10 days after I turned 30. I will never forget the moment I heard the news of his death, on the phone with my mom, half-way across the country.

Two days ago marked the 3 month anniversary of another friend's death who was called home to Jesus after 32 years of life on this earth. His wife is ever present on my mind, as I've mentioned in a previous post.

OK, so back to my thoughts...trust me, these reflections have not left me feeling "morbid" on my birthday. But I needed a backdrop to explain why I have not seen 38 as an age to bemoan or why I am not thinking how terrible it is to be another year older.

This is my heart's song today: EVERY single moment, day and year is a great gift and there are NO guarantees of how much each one of us will be given. This is not a sad melody, it is a reality I am rejoicing in today! My Father has given me heartbeat and breath for 38 years!! He has been so kind and generous to love me and draw me closer to Himself every step of my life's journey and, as added blessings, He has surrounded me with a beautiful array of people, reflections of His own image. I see Him more clearly today because of each one and 38 years of images have become such a beautiful masterpiece.

Today I feel so incredibly loved and I am reveling in the gift of time and the privilege of purpose.

It's a great blessing to grow older.

Happy Birthday to me!!